Le Zapper
by Icy Flame
Summary: Post DOR! Just some amusing fluff about Buckethead's new crew!
1. Wackiness

Le Zapper

Chapter One: Why again?

Author: Icy Flame

Icy: Oh I think this is the SECOND POST Day of Recovery fic! YAY!

W: I would recommend reading the first one, it's awesome!

Icy: Yeah it was! Hehe I loved it!

W: Enjoy!

            Pietro looked left and then right, this would do. His previous rooming had been worse…much worse than this place. It had a decent amount of rooms; enough to make it roomy while not enough to make it too noticeable. He splayed out on a couch and flipped on a television as his housemates entered the t.v. area. Ignoring them he began to flip through the channels like there was no tomorrow.

 "Cripes ya can't barely see what's on the teley! Slow down ya little bugger!" St. John yelled, attempting to grab the remote. Remy just laughed and sat down in a near by armchair, resting his feet on the coffee table. He began to shuffle through some cards as he watched Pyro and Quicksilver battle it out over who got the remote. Of course all the arguments ceased when Pitro came into the room and thrust his hand in between the two. The reluctantly handed it over to the large metal shielding mutant and pouted. Pitro turned off the TV and pushed the coffee table away, Remy's feet landing with a thud on the floor. He was about to protest but decided against it since his opponent could crush him on a mere whim.

   It was a well-known fact that the Russian adolescent meditated for an hour each day, why none of the others knew but when they had asked about it received a rather nasty retort. The teenager had broken the VCR as a warning not to disrupt him during his meditation, one that none of them had forgotten.

 "You know this is all you fault." St. John hissed at Pietro, who glared and flicked him in the head with his speed. Pyro took out a match and tried to light the speedster on fire. The two lunged at each other and began to duke it out on the floor. Each rolling to and trying to pummel the other. Fist flew as well as feet. When they realized that they could inflict more damage kicking AND punching at the same time they tried to get on the bottom as to have a better view of 'where' to kick. Each threw out random insults as they went on also, collecting the rapt attention of the other two young men.

"Speed freak"

"Fire addicted"

"Obsessive Sugar pig"

" Fanatical Flamer"

"Loser"

"Butthead"

"Bastard"

"Ass wad"

"Mother fu-"

        "That is enough!" roared a deep voice, which could only belong to one person…Magneto. They paused and turned to their 'leader'. He looked none to happy to see them normally and in their current situation he looked even madder.

    Remy was scowling, Pitro looked less then amused and Pietro and St. John each held each other in fighting positions. Quicksilver was on top, his fist inches away from Pyro's, Pyro fist in a similar arrangement.

  "I don't really care what the hell you think you were doing but you will be punished for it! All of you have chore duty for the rest of the week. Remy floors and gardening, Pitro dusting and windows, Pietro meal duty, St. John laundry…and bathroom duty." The boys moaned about their punishments but a strict glare from Magnus stopped that. "Any complainants? *pauses* I thought not. Well GET TO WORK!" He left the room with a swoop of his cape.

  "Man you just had to save him didn't you?" Pyro groaned, looking at Quicksilver accusingly.

      Remy joined in, "You just couldn't let his giant metalman toy fall on him?"

  "Hey when a man who can move metal with a mere thought yanks you by your BLOOD there isn't much you can do about it!" Pietro pouted. Turning to leave and attend the second meal of the day. The others spilt up and left to do their chores as well, of course grumbling all the way along with plotting how to seek revenge on their house mates.

Icy: Sorry just hit me as a random thought!

  
W: hehe I love being a muse.

Icy: Review and tell us what ya think!

W: For anyone who doesn't know what 'le zapper' is it is Television remote in French!

Icy: That's what doing my vocab. will do to me in that class!


	2. Revenge, a Boomerang

Le Zapper

Chapter Two: Revenge, a Boomerang

Author: Icy Flame

Icy: You gotta love the guys in Maggie's new group, they are so cute!

W: _You_ are so weird!

Icy: Enjoy

"Les con draggin us all in dere fights.{1}" Remy pouted as he ripped at the weeds. "What kinda villain has a garden anyways?" He smirked at the mental image of Magneto pulling weeds in his purple and red costume. Gambit began yanking out more of the pesky unwanted plants from the twenty by eight square garden.

Pyro groaned as he trudged up to the bathroom door. 'Why is it that I always get the latrine? It's bad enough that the pot is in there with the tub but those buggers expect me to clean it? Crazy Americans'. Without knocking he swung the door wide open, only turn tail and run as fast as he could in the other direction. The door shut with a loud clang, as Magnus grumbled about kids not having any manners these days and turned the page of his _Seventeen_.

Peter scowled at the window; he'd already finished doing the dusting. This time he had only broken two vases and three pictures. He sighed as he took the rag from his bucket and started to wipe off the windows. He noticed a smudge at the very top and reached for it, dragging a chair over he climbed on top of it to get the mark. Reaching over he realized he still couldn't get the dirt, deciding that his mutant power would give him the boost he needed he changed into his metal form to reach the spot. Peter powered up… only to fall through the thin glass. He cursed the cheaply made product as he stood up and dusted the shards off his metal plated skin.

Pietro whipped around the kitchen in the blink of an eye. Grabbing the skillet on the stove he tossed the contents into the air and stirred the pot next to it. Humming a tune to himself he smiled lightly. He wore an ever present smirk on is face. Not that Pietro would ever let his father know but he loved to cook, it was passion he had acquired as a youth in foster homes. Often being left alone he had to learn how to fend for himself and then again at the brotherhood manor after Rogue left. Spinning around hastily the young chief took the peppershaker in his hand and began to shake it over the dish in the skillet with a deft skill.

Remy wiped off his sweat-laden forehead and returned to gardening tools to the shed. Resting for a second on the shed, he formulated a plan with which he could seek his revenge on his teammates. There had to be some way to get Pietro and Pyro in trouble but indirectly. If Magneto were the one to punish them there was no way that they could retaliate against Remy, not without Magnus seeing them do it. There had to be some way to get Erik to help out in the plan without knowing, suddenly an idea hit him and Remy set off to find Colossal, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

            John crept back over to the bathroom door a while later and this time knocked on it hesitantly. When there was no reply he went in with a brush and pink robber gloves on. Albeit he looked strange there was no way in Hades that he was gonna touch anything with his bare hands that had been used by everyone to relieve mother nature's call. 

Edging near the toilet he stuck the brush in the bowel, sprayed a green gel in also and started to briskly swirl it around. Bubbles surged from the top and the mutant stopped, but grabbed a nearby towel and sponged up some liquid. Frowning he noted that the suds had spilled all around the bathroom. Grinning an idea came to him. Looking behind to make sure the coast was clear John snuck over to the sink. Selecting a toothbrush from Pietro's cup he began to scrub the bathroom clean with it.

~A while later ~

Smirking as he gazed at the sparkling floor, toilet, tub, sink, mirror, door, scale, shower, and stand he replaced the speedster's ragged tooth brush. Wiping his hands off on his pants he waltzed down to the kitchen to await the next meal, his stomach grumbling loudly.

            Colossal glanced back at the three broken windows and tossed his rag into the laundry chute. He turned around to see Remy leaning against a nearby tree with a gleam in his eyes. He raised an eyebrow and approached the Cajun. Remy seemed to not care, but on the inside was glad that he had been able to get the Russian's attention. It had taken half the afternoon to find him.

  "What are you up to?"

 "Nothing" 

 "I'm not stupid, what are you doing?" 

Remy strode towards him, with a cat-who-ate-the-canary-grin, fingering an ace of spades in one hand with a joker card in another. 'Got him!' Wrapping an arm around the stoic Russian.

  "Come this way mon ami, Ah'll explain all." Peter just looked confused but followed the southern teen towards the house. It was not a smart thing to refuse Remy when he had a plan up his sleeve, that and Peter had nothing else to occupy his time with until lunch,

Magnus rose from his lab, making sure all the chemicals were stowed away from the prying hands of his new recruits. "God knows what would happen if they got their hands on these." He swooped off towards the dining room, his stomach letting out a loud grumble as his nose picked up on the scent. "If this tastes as good as it smells then I just might have to punish the boy more often." {2}

Remy and Peter came into the house, the former holding a bottle of something. Checking to make sure that the coast was clear the duo stalked inside, closing the door and moving onward with all the stealth they possessed. They got as far as the kitchen door before they saw Magnus muttering about punishing Pietro more often, holding their breathes in hope that he would pass by they almost collapsed in relief as he continued into the dining room. Of course what didn't help was when Pyro came up behind them and tapped Remy on the shoulder.

   "What are you mates up to?" He looked at them oddly as they attempted to put on innocent smiles.

 "Eh nothing, just thought that Speedy might need some uh help with the meal is all." Remy smiled, using a tab amount of charm power on the teen. John looked doubtful for a minute, ready to spread the alarm when Remy's 'ability' kicked in making him smile like a little girl getting attention from a crush. Nodding his head with the goofy smile still in place he wandered into the dining room.

   Peter sighed, "That was close"

  "Oui, too close for Remy's liking."

            Starting once their expedition once again they headed into the kitchen. Pietro was no where to be seen, of course that didn't mean he could just appear in the blink of an eye. Looking over to the place settings Remy walked over to Magnus'. Gesturing for Peter to follow he took the container from the Russian teen. Pouring a small amount of the material into their leaders cup.

            Pietro entered the room once more, creeping up behind the two. Arching a well-defined eyebrow at the two he jumped up on the counter to get a better view of what the two were trying to accomplish. All he saw was Remy placing a bottle that looked suspiciously like a chemical from his father's lab in his large trench coat. 'Ugh like anyone would reach in there to get it back' Pietro thought before jumping off the ledge and tapping both of them on the shoulder. Peter and Remy spun around trying to look innocent and failing miserably once again.

   "What are you two doing to the drinks? NotspikingthemIhope!" Pietro grinned at them, seeing if they were making an attempt to embarrass him in front of his father and get him punished. 'Lord knows we did that constantly in the brotherhood' He smiled as he thought of all the times he'd short sheet Lance's bed or washed Todd's clothes or replaced Freddy's shampoo with green hair dye, heck he'd even stolen quite a few of Rogue's unmentionables come to think of it. 'Who knew she'd have black panties!'

"We were simply tryin' to help you mon ami! But if you would rather carry these yourself, so be it. Come along Peter, let's leave."

            Both of them rushed out of the room, afraid that if they remained a moment longer that they might break down in laughter. Sighing they wiped away the tears of mirth and joined Pyro and Magneto in the dining room. 

            Shaking his head at them he took his cup Pietro emptied their cups and filled it with his father's. Taking his own cup and retrieving another he walked out of the kitchen with the newly fixed drinks. 

  
[1] Le con- Those idiots *French

{2} Is it just me or does that sounds naughty? Er too much Draco/Harry fiction sorry I'm a bit out of it! Hehe plus I can't resist placing stuff like this in, sorry!

~~~

Icy: Sorry for the long wait!

SJ: Thanks for the support everyone!

W: Yeah we really appreciate it!

Icy: Just what is Remy and Peter up to?

W: Will Erik find out?

SJ: What will Magnus do if he does?

Icy: All this will be revealed in the next chapter of

W: Le Zapper!

SJ: God bless America…and television remotes!

Icy: Who knows where'd I be without'em!

W: Later yo


	3. Tuttie Fruitie

Le Zapper 3

Magnus grumbled, the food had tasted great and had digested quite a large portion of it. Even considering that he was eating with several teenage boys his appetite had kept up. The only problem was that even though the meal had been heavenly it was extremely spicy. He'd drained his glass within the first course. Now he wasn't too sure eating so much was such a great idea. It seemed the food was coming back to haunt him, his stomach groaned loudly in protest and Magnus had to shift in his seat.

~

John stared at his boss. Was it just him or was Magnus groaning? They all understood that he was old but he wasn't so old that his body should be making so much noise. Sweat was dripping off his face as he continued with his seminar. In fact, his face was quite flushed also.

~

Pietro twirled the lighter in his hand. He'd copped it earlier from John while they had been fighting. Flinging it between his hands, he stared as his father. He was grumbling about the bios needing more detail about the listed mutants. Only recognizing a few outside of the Brotherhood, X-Men and Acolytes Pietro decided that perhaps he should pay closer attention but his dad/boss was turning an interesting shade of red. Plus Magnus kept making these strangled gasp noises every now and then, holding his stomach. The lighter gained speed in his hand as he flipped it between his fingers. Actually, his actions were quite similar to Lance's when they Brotherhood had laced his coffee with…_oh shit_.

~

Pitro glanced up from his doodles. Magneto was still blathering on; sighing to himself, he glanced over at Pietro. Shouldn't he be squirming in his seat by now? They had added enough of the laxative to cure a constipated cow; hell Magnus seemed more ready to shit his pants than Quicksilver. Now that he started to really look at his boss the more is became clear, they'd put it in the wrong cup. Wait a sec; they put it in the wrong cup!

~

Remy sat in his chair, leaning back and staring straight across at Pietro. The youngster should be dumping in his pants right now but he was simply fiddling with something in his hand. Beyond that, he seemed calm, as calm as he got anyways. Noticing a movement Pitro made in his direction he glanced over at the Russian mutant. What crawled up his ass? He was gesturing to Magneto, trying futilely to not attract attention to himself. Pietro looked over at the two, grinning like the cat that ate the canary and leaned back farther in his chair.

Gambit scowled at the younger teen, shooting dark looks at him. This was just their luck; they hadn't gotten him back at all. Somehow, he'd outsmarted them. It was unnerving how often Karma seemed to favor that prat. Shaking his head in disbelief, he leaned forward to get a better view of his leader squirming uncomfortably before them. It was one of the few times he'd seen the man so out of his element.

~

Magnus continued to squirm. His gut felt had a demon roiling. Like the turbulence of an airplane, being tossed around in a storm, so did his stomach. The agitation was building as sweat dripped down his face in an effort to be in control. 

"Uh you alright boss?" John asked, noting the distinct discomfort his boss was displaying.

"I am no weakling Pyro. Do not interrupt."

~

Thoroughly chastised the pyro reached for his lighter to comfort him. Finding it gone he frowned. Digging deeper into his pocket he plucked out a little note. On it there was a little cartoon version of Quicksilver's head sticking out his tongue. Crumbling the paper, he glared over at the silver haired boy. Wishing now more than ever that he had his trusty lighter he bit down on his lip to keep his rage reined.

~

"Dismissed" Magneto boomed. 

Normally Pietro was the first out the door but this time it seemed the boss wished to hold the title as he fled. Pietro burst out laughing at his father, filled with glee at his own creative out. Remy looked semi amused but was unwilling to let Quicksilver see him grinning. John on the other hand was grinning like a loon, while Pitro looked sick himself. 

"Oi give me back my lighter dickhead." John demanded, remembering his precious.

Rolling his eyes at the Australian he wiggled the lighter before him.

"Whose gonna make me, Slowmo?" 

Remy rolled his eyes at the two and decided to leave before he got more chores than he already had.

"What just took place?" Pitro rasped.

"A morbidly frequent and profuse discharge of loose or fluid evacuations from the intestines, without tenesmus; a purging or looseness of the bowels; a flux." Pietro grinned at the dictionary definition. "Diarrhea"

"But it was suppose to make you puke." 

Pietro narrowed his eyes at him. Was he really that slow or didn't he understand that he just admitted to trying to get back at Pietro…only Pietro and not John also. Before he could say anything John once more pounced onto the speedster and yanked at his lighter.

"Whoawhoawhoa! I don't like you that way Pyro." Pietro shoved at the other, still in possession of the Zippo. Rolling away from the fire mutant and standing up. Dusting himself off Pyro simply glared at the statement and held out his hand.

"Give. It. Back. Shitface."

"Hold your horses" Turning to Colossal he continued. "You realize this means war, correct?"

"Correct comrade"

"You're going down slowmo, I _never_ lose." 

Disappearing in the blink of an eye, Quicksilver closed his room door and set the bolts in place. Pacing he began trying to think up ways to extract his vengeance.

~

Magnus flushed and washed his hands. Frowning he left in order to come to the bottom of this. There was now way that he would…have such problems from eating Pietro's cooking. Especially since no one else had fallen to the same problems. This was obviously one of the mutants attempts at securing revenge upon him. There would be no way that he could pinpoint who did this. Pietro was the cook but he wasn't idiotic enough to try something while his ass was in the fire. Perhaps it was Pyro, he had been grinning rather oddly at him the whole meeting. Either way he had some plotting of his own to attend to, there was no way he was letting his recruits get the upper hand on him.

~

Pyro sulked in the rec. room. Without his lighter he had no way of creating fire! And without a way to create fire he couldn't manipulate into doing his bidding, like chasing after Gambit! The boss had seen to the fact that the only source he would have outside of battle would be a single lighter. When he'd first came he had matches, lighters, even a few pieces of flint. Most of his luggage was made up of fire starters. Growling about daddy's boys John began scribbling some things down in his notebook, glancing up every now and then to glare around the room.

The one time he hadn't made sure he was alone he'd caught Sabertooth breathing heavily over his shoulder and that was not an experience he was quick to repeat. The big cat man seldom left his 'domain'. A lot like that freaky guy with all the tuffs of hair, Meseby or something. Shrugging he turned back to his story and began cackling evilly as the white haired devil was persecuted in his piece of work.

~

Magnus passed by the rec. room on his way back to the lab and paused when he heard … cackling? Stepping into the room he cast a gaze around to check and make sure none of the boys had killed one another. He was shocked to find Pyro the only occupant of the entire room. What was that boy on? That was when he noted that the boy had his writing journal with him and scatted from the room as fast as he could. The last time he'd seen the boy with that was before they went into battle and had to listen to him complain the whole way back to base about stupid people who should now better than to leave their balls open to birds. For weeks afterwards St. John would eat nothing but poultry to gain his revenge on the 'flying rats'.

~

Gambit returned to his room and sat down. Shuffling his cards, he began wondering what it was he could do to get back at the speedster. There might be a way for him to get into his room but that would be dangerous and suicidal at best. Grinning to himself, he started gathering his picks and other materials he would need for tonight. Pocketing his cards, he reached for his bureau. This would be a night to remember!

~~~

So what do you think? Not as funny or funnier? Any suggestions? Feel free to review!

Thanks to all who did review! I know it's been a while.

LadyTrunks: Thanks, yea that would be nasty to do that with someone's toothbrush but I was watching Forrest Gump while I was typing and saw them cleaning with toothbrushes so it just kinda hit me. Sorry for the long wait!

Lady MR1: Glad you like it so much! I aim to please! I'll add some more evil plots from Remy in the next chapter, don't worry! The Cajun has only begun to fight!

LotusPen: Happy you like their perspectives, I'll try and add more of them! 

Sailor Wade: Wait til you see what they have up their sleeves for the next part! *cackles*

Later yo, 

                 Icy


	4. Crotchless Panties

Le Zapper 4

Remy glanced to the right and then to the left, pausing before he slipped into the hallway. Patting his jacket to make sure his tools were still there, not _those_ tools, he continued down to Pietro's room. 

Slipping a hand into his pocket, he grabbed a simple metal rod, twisted slightly at one end. Jamming it into the key hole he began twisting it around until he heard the systematical click, grinning at how simple it was to actually break into the speedster's room he returned the pick. 

Gliding into the domain, he cast a quick look around the room. It was sparsely furnished but has the necessities of a teenager. Remy glared at the fact that Pietro had a window seat instead of a simple square of glass. Shrugging it off as being the boss's son, he crawled further into the area. 

Taking in all surroundings as he gently shut the door, all he needed was someone to come along and find it open to screw him over. A bed over on the farthest wall, a dresser, closet and rug was about all was in the room. Ignoring the posters and piles of clothing lying about he went over to the desk, practically invisible in the dark. 

Ruffling through the papers on the top he frowned, there didn't seem to be anything of importance here. Flinging open the desk drawers, he was similarly disappointed by the bland nature of all the documents. 

He was about to leave when he came across the final drawer, moving to pull it open he was met with resistance. It seemed this particular door had a lock on it, grinning to himself Remy plucked out several lock picks and began fiddling anew with the lock. 

Sweating slightly as the seconds turned into minutes, he was again about to give up when he heard the solid clicks of Pietro's lock giving in to his ministrations.

 Inside was a few files, folders and a plain wooden box. Congratulating himself for his skill and patience, Gambit started to look through the only personal items. 

After ten minutes of going through Quicksilver's possessions he had only a handful, he could possibly hold black mail. One of the files that Remy had come upon had held several photographs in it. 

Having rutted through the trashcan already Remy was well aware of the mounting piles of pictures Pietro had of random girls. So, it came as quite a shock to him to find so few females in the folder. Perhaps he only allowed the most attractive in the drawer. Either way it was quite plain that the only things he could use as tools to humiliate Pietro would be the pictures he held in his hand. 

One had a girl who was scowling deeply, red black hair cut short and blazing blue eyes. Realizing it was his sister, Scarlet Witch he gave an appraising look and returned it to the desk.

The other was a photo of the Brotherhood, his lip curling in disgust at the thought of anyone holding these losers dear to their heart he was about to toss the picture back in when he noticed something. There was an X-Men in this picture. Gambit wouldn't have even remembered the female expect that he'd gone up against her in battle before the giant robot appeared. 

Smiling to himself, he remembered the fight she put up against his charm power. She was amazingly strong willed but why would she be in this picture? It contained only the Brotherhood beside herself. 

The photo itself was quite unique Gambit had to admit. Blob was in the background, grinning like a loon, one hand held up in a wave. Avalanche, Quicksilver and Toad (in the order) were in front of Blob, holding aloft the female. Everyone was smiling, even the girl. 

Remy was about to place the photo on the desk when he felt something on the back of it. Turning it around he realized that another picture had been pasted onto the back of this one. Glancing at it, he was even more amused to find that all of them had somehow gotten covered in mud and were piled into a room that was distinctively feminine. Not that the walls were pink or even a chic color but the fact that bras and panties lined the floor was a dead give away. The girl was reaching for Toad who had a black bra strapped to his head while Pietro was seen looking at a diary. Lance was holding his sides and Freddy was again grinning at the camera. 

The next photo though made Gambit's face split into both a look of horror and amusement. Before his eyes lay Pietro chasing after the same X-Man, only he was clad in a get up remarkable like her own and his previously silver hair was dyed bright pink. Smiling as he found he found his tool of revenge, he replaced the pictures and locked the drawer again. Pocketing the pink haired Quicksilver picture, he waltzed out of the room, locking it before he left.

~

Pyro frowned; his pen had run out of ink. Reaching into his pocket he frowned deeper as he realized he had used the last one he had. Looking around for another, he was disappointed to find none. Pietro had come into the room, smiling as he flipped through a book. John was at once remembered the holder of his Zippo and got up.

"Hey Pietro you wouldn't mind giving me back my lighter would you?" 

"Depends. What do I get out of it?"

"An alley in war." Smiling Pietro just reached into his back pocket.

"Just stay away from my desk."

Nodding at the white haired boy, he turned and began at once plotting to torture some unsuspecting sod with his fire demons. It would be a small price to pay for his lighter anyways, normally Quicksilver wouldn't give anything back and would just hide it somewhere. Pyro found this out the hard way with two of his own lighters. Gambit had learned with a pack of picks and Piotr had found out when one of his drawling pencils magically disappeared when he set it down.

 Pyro just shook his head; they all had their quirks. Gambit constantly played card games, Piotr would doodle for an entire day. John himself would read hours on end at a time, not putting a book down until finished, not to mention his own amateur attempts at writing. Pietro oddly enough had a fixation with taking pictures. Which was extremely odd considering his Narcissistic nature and inability to stand still for a picture. All the members had their weird habits and mostly it was best to just leave them at it. John shuddered as he remembered a not quite so happy memory with Victor and a catnip mouse. He still had the scars.

Gazing into the fire he felt a manic grin take over his face, the flame spoke to him. Grinning he headed towards Piotr's room. All is fair in war and love; flicking a large cat into life with his Zippo, he forced it to charge against the door, only to disappear underneath it.

A loud scream came through the door. Pyro just ran for it. There was no way that Piotr wasn't going to pound his ass for this little deed and he wanted to be in the sanctuary of his own domain before his world would be crushed by steel plated arms.

 Cackling like the insane little nutter, he was Pyro finally reaching his door as he heard the clanking of his metal teammate jogging down the hall. Putting all his energy to sprinting into his room, he just bolted the door when a large thud was heard. 

Another slam of the door followed. Seeing that there might be a problem if he let Piotr continually, pound his door John leaned up against the metal. Putting his entire wait on it he hoped that his teammate would get bored soon and just leave him unpunished. Suddenly the constant hammering stopped completely. Thanking his lucky stars John sighed a breath of relief.

Piotr stopped his raining of hits on the door. It was apparently not going to go do with his attacks. Thinking for a few moments an uncharacteristic grin appeared over his features. 

Looking at the space between the door and the floor, he kneeled down. Sliding his fingers under the panel, he shifted suddenly to his metal form and busted the door off the hooks. John tumbled out of his room and unto a metal-shielded chest. Capturing him in a death grip Colossal began marching straight outside.

Bypassing all their teammates as he held the squirming mutant in a tight hug Piotr headed straight outside. Going over to a poll, he leaned John up against it…four feet off the ground. Grabbing the top, he twisted the metal pole around the Australian's waist…after striping him of all his clothing besides a pair of pink boxers that said 'Touch Here' over the crotch. Heading back into the building Piotr just shook his head and smiled.

"You might have won the battle but We SHALL win the war!" Pyro screeched, wiggling to get out. Needless to say it didn't work. John groaned and thumped his head on the pole.

"Help! Pietro! Remy! VICTOR! JASON! ERI~K! SOMEONE, ANYONE HE~LP ME!"

~~~

Ah what a spot to leave, a half-clad Pyro strapped to a pole…wow. Everyone who reviews this chapter gets a muffin! *grin* 

Any desires for different ideas on how to prank the boys just send'em in! As requested before I put in some more Remy! 

Thank you everyone who reviewed and read the last chapter! 

Later yo, 

               Icy


	5. Tartaric

Le Zapper 5

*******

Remy walked slowly out into the garage, as not to arise any suspiciousness. Normally the boss didn't care when they left, as long as they returned when he had a mission for them. That was the only rule for using the vehicles, that and the tanks must be refueled. Snatching a set of keys of the rack he walked over to his bike. Grinning at himself he patted 'Peggy' on her side, slipping a leg over the bike. Fitting the key into the ignition he turned the key, waiting for his baby to purr. Only instead of roaring to life, the bike choked hazardously before dying. Gambit frowned, turning the key once more. Still noting. Third time's a charm, he figured, turning the key. The engine started to roar…only to sputter and fall. Grunting, Remy jumped off the bike and began searching for the problem.

He didn't have to look long, there was a butter knife covered in peanut butter wedged into the motor of Peggy. Falling on his knees he rubbed the bike.

"Don't worry Peggy, ol' Gambit fix ya right as rain." He continued to pat his bike as he attempted to get the knife out.

******

Jason put a hand to his forehead, growling out obscenities that would make a sailor blush. Pushing off from his desk he rose, exiting his room and the building. The old man growled louder when he found his distraction…hanging from a pole by his underwear.

"Mastermind, old mate, you'll get me down…woncha?" Pyro bargained, trying to look innocent.

Jason was not fooled, scowling he grabbed the youth's feet. John's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, sweat formed on his forehead.

"You….ya…aren't gonna-AAAAAH" 

With a mighty tug, our beloved firestarter was yanked off the pole, now sporting the largest wedgie known to mutant kind.

*****

Peter grinned, looking up from his drawling, as John and Jason walked back in the house. Well, Jason was stomping and John was limping but it simply added to the fact that he was able to get the firestarter. Waving at the other boy childishly he smirked. Jason ignored the both of them and walked into the kitchen to find some Tylenol. Then perhaps he'd discuss with Erik his troublesome teenage recruits.

John frowned and ignored the snub, grimacing as he sat down on the couch. He was so going to pay for this one.

****

Pietro sped around the yard, unsure of what he should do next. Licking the crunchy peanut butter off his hands, he went over his assets in this war.

 He had John as an ally, there had to be some way that he could manipulate the situation to his advantage. Someone who could control fire, that and his speed, cunning and beautiful self. Quicksilver stopped moving. Deciding that his father wouldn't be pleased with a trench, he moved onto the road and took off. Running always helped in the past; maybe it would lend a helping hand in his revenge on Peter and Remy.

What did he know about the two? Not much, Pietro realized, he decided that after the Brotherhood getting too close to teammates wasn't a wise idea. Throwing the empty peanut butter jar in a trash can as he flashed by, he ate the last of it off his hands.

He had one up on Remy but as far as he knew, John was still shrieking into the distance for assistance. He'd thought about assisting the other boy but when he saw him in his boxers he decided against it. He had enough scaring memories from living with Todd and Freddy. All Petey knew was that overweight people should never, ever wear spandex, he shuddered. When he had asked where they had gotten all the spandex from they had answered with one simple word, Xavier. Sometimes he still woke in the middle of the night, sweaty, and shaken from the memory. He didn't need to add a practically nude St. John to his history. He would need to avenge his collaborator though. No one messed around with Pietro Maximoff's partner and got away with it.

***

Erik stretched; who knew belly dancing could be so exhilarating? Pausing the television and blocking it from view as someone came into his room he glanced around. If it were the boy again he'd teach him a thing or two about manners. His eyes, however, did not land on Pietro but Jason.

Jason's eyes grew in size. His boss, the one who was suppose to be bringing about mutant world domination, yea that one, he was wearing a costume that looked like a reject from 'I Dream of Jeannie'. Where he got the gauze and sequence was anyone's guess. Erik shifted impatiently.

"Something you needed?"

Taking that as a clue to ignore his dress, Mastermind started to explain.

"Yes, it seems the boys…"

**

John got up, becoming conscious of the fact that he was still in _just _torn boxers…in the living room. Having enough exposure for one day, he went for his room and a spare change of clothing. Making a face at his door he leaned the metal frame back against the frame. He'd have to inform the boss of his broken door. The man was twisted in his joy for fixing metal things by rearranging the particles and such. Or something like that, it didn't really matter to John. Slipping on a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt, along with some new boxers he stalked out of his room. See, John never really just walked- oh no my friend, he moved with a purpose, constantly. First he'd find his partner and then they would get busy. Enough time had been wasted with this worthless dancing around. Things were gonna get treacherous.

*

That's it…for now. I didn't mean for this to have such a big break from the last chapter to this one but I have been working on other stories and different series of late. I will finish all my stories though! Send reviews with ideas! Loved to hear from you! *grins* * waves*

Later yo,

Icy 


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